i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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