Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
