Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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