ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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