The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
