After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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