My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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