I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Im part way to drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
