I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
