you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
