I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
