I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
