i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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