..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
