i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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