my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
