What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
