i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
