im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
