But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
