my phone needs a breathalizer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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