Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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