I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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