haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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