I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
