How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
