You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
