I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
