the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
