: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
