you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
