Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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