someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
