Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
