Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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