sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
