Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
