I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
