forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize