Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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