Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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