Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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