if you like me you must not know who I am
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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