We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
