im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
