I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Someone came in the potted fern
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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