i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
