Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

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(813): View more from Florida

I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.

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(313): View more from Michigan

YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???

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