he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
