I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
