I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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