Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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