Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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