Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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