My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
