Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
