I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
