i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
