Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
