I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
