So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
