I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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