I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
