Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
