the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
50% drunk capacity currently
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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