I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize