I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
