Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
