Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
